There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
