The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I need a beard to bite.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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