first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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