oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
