i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
