I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
