Nicole vs. Life
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
