People in love make me want to vomit
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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