Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
