Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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