Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
