she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Randomize
