New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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