How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
