Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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