the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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