capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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