Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
