there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
