I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
