Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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