just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
