you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
