he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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