In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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