On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
