The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
