So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
