well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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