So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
