The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
