Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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