you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
