So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
