Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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