You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
