Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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