Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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