The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
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Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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