i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How naked do you want me to be?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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