BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
