So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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