Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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