hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
