Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
