i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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