Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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