if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
