found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
