Fine. I'll sleep in my office
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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