Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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