so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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