nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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