Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am naked and annoyed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
