all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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