On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This is the high leading the old right now
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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