remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
