K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
