Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
