How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
