Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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