my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
