Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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