just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's shark week go big or go home
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
