So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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