The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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