I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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