You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
