his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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