If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize