just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
