I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
