omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
