So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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