i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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