so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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