You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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