Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we're making bets on your personal life
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
