Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
