Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
