Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
