You made me cry and you don't even care
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
