birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
FUCK WHALES
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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