Nicole vs. Life
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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