Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I deserve this hangover.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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