Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
