The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
