Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
