FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
